Wednesday, December 2, 2009

What's wrong with this picture?

The heat is on.Two things are wrong with this picture, taken of the windows in my living room. The first is that there is a package of Asian strawberry snack cakes that taste like toothpaste on a coaster. But the more pressing issue is that the window on the left is open.

"John, close the window!" you might say. "It must be freezing outside!" Correct; it's 31 degrees outside. But inside, it's about 3100 degrees and dry as an Asian strawberry snack cake, because we don't control the heat.

Free heat sounds great, but, man, it's hot up in this place. My face is melting into a gooey puddle on the floor. I feel nauseated and delirious. It seems a shame, in this era of conservation, to have windows open in the late fall, but if the windows were closed, the police would find three attractive people dead in their beds ... or three charred bodies surrounded by what once were beds before they burst into flames.

1 comment:

  1. it sounds like you should ask your landlord for a new thermostat. i'm sure if he knew he was paying for you to heat the outside, he's be more than willing to come take a look at the situation.