Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Knot in my stomach and lump in my throat

I am not going to be able to fit all my furniture into my New York studio, which I'm moving to in less than two weeks. That much is clear. To see what I'm really working with, though, I cut out scaled representations of my furniture and have been arranging the pieces over a floor plan. Nothing makes me too thrilled, but I'll make it work somehow.

I must admit that I am currently emotionally overwhelmed and have knots in my stomach. The impending move and job are what I dreamed of when I was applying to Yale, and I've been lucky enough to see them coming since November, but now that everything's just around the corner I feel like I'm accelerating into a fog. I think what's on the other side will be amazing. But I still have those knots.

You would think that with school officially over -- all my grades are in, and there's nothing academic left to do -- I would be all smiles and relaxation, but between doing paperwork for Deloitte, selling and packing my things, family headed into town, preparing to deliver the commencement speech, figuring out how to unload my car, getting ready for a wedding, and actually moving to New York and getting settled, it seems like an insane mad dash to June 1. I know that after that, I'll be immediately without much to do, and that will be my life for two months. But getting there is not a leisurely walk in the park!

I feel somewhat un-allowed to discuss that, though, because I am fortunate and should be grateful, and I am. But gratitude and good fortune don't pack my stuff, and they don't write and memorize my speech, and they don't plow through my to-do list while I nap.

I got a lot done today, though. A whole lot.

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